I was raised a Roman-Catholic in Europe. Have always apathetically rejected the conduct of and 'laws' of the religion. At the same time had always admitted to myself there was something, i felt something i knew there was something out there that transcends the limits of our rational thought. The problem is i did not find interest in what any other made up religion in the world has ever said about it.
I felt a deeper connection between all things in the Universe, species, and elements. I could 'see' that connection. I could 'deduce' it by looking at the balance in ecosystems.
And it was never 'something' that had to be "worshiped" in an organized way according to some written principles. It was never something that needed an organized group of people for its adoration, or to write it's moral rules. It just was, without any feelings or concepts similar to human ones.
I called this thing the "energy". I guess it isn't much different than what fantasy fiction has called it in the past (magic), or even science fiction (the force in Star wars); i'm sure this ideas had their origins in similar concepts and views of the universe by their creators.
I never knew that philosophers had apparently recorded and labeled such specific view. I always thought i was just an agnostic, actually convinced there was indeed a "divine entity" which was very different than classic religions would say.
My older sister grew very curious of Wicca when i was in my teen years. She had a million books and all sorts of miscellaneous sorcery items.
I did read a few books. It was interesting, i saw a few similarities to my beliefs, but i couldn't buy on the whole paraphernalia. I mean i respected and viewed it as sort of a means to 'tap' into the 'energy' or 'force', to perhaps feel that connection that your primary intellect has buried deeply in your consciousness. But i did not see the necessity of such pretty 'dressing' of those practices. And the thing is ultimately, it was still a religion, with all it's god's and deities and superstition.
And so was the Amerindian spirituality, which my sister become more interested in, many years down the road.
I did all sorts of things with her. Meditations, rituals, the saunas. I saw it's value, and some things actually made me feel good, physically.
I also did start my own experiences with psychedelics. And that was perhaps one of the strongest confirmations i had into my belief. I felt that by tapping into other parts and states of consciousness, maybe we could access that necessary channel, to reach the 'whole'.
Regardless of not necessarily identifying with any religion, i can find value on some practices of most of them. And i firmly think they are just different interpretations (sometimes uninformed or misleading ones) of the same thing, and of what i believe in.
I believe in science, biology, chemistry, physics, metaphysics, psychology, spirituality, and exploration of the consciousness. And i believe they are all connected.
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